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A thimble of thought
December 4th, 2007 posted by tikgirl under Love Stories, Uncategorized. [ Comments: 2 ]

She was there, smoking her cigarette and sipping her occasional coffee. She was writing something on a piece of paper bag and was stashing it furiously into her pocket. With eyes closed she hums the resonating thumps of her eardrums.She once tried to kill herself (in vain) with an overdose of fairytale valiums, the same one which the Evil Queen used to kill Snow White(in vain), The cure? A kiss. Snow White had her fill of kiss(es) with Prince Charming. She got her fill with an ugly, warthy toad. After the horrendous disaster, and possibly because of the failed suicide attempt, she had her hair cut short, with long weird bangs like Natalie Portman on Closer. She smeared red lipstick on her lips and black kohl around her eyes. her ever present eye bags shouted in the parallelism of red and black. She looked like an old, hungry vulture.

Time passed (per se). She still cuts her bangs in the Natalie Portman way, still wears her ugly red lipstick and black kohl. She had a boyfriend by then. Only that, she makes the relationship look happy but in reality, in her own REALITY, it’s not. Her world is full of pretensions, hiding bitter tears in the black kohl and biting back sobs with her red lipstick. Her humor soured, her caffeine intake rose into a half gallon a day and her fuel, nicotine, bolstered up, up, up. Her mood is, how can i describe it effectively? Watching her mood swings is like watching BBC stock and Forex News. Up, up, up. Down, down, down.

She was even once caught by her boyfriend stealing his office supplies. His assorted pens (from those cheap Pandas to the retractable to the silver-plated Parker), inks, pencils, scotch tapes, markers and a stapler and a white board eraser. It was weird kleptomania, as he said. But she was having all the fun out of the crappy one-sided affair (that is, she rules both halves). She gets a kick of having what she calls “sweet revenge” (for she accuses him of taking her individuality away) by stealing his office supplies.

At the time when they were about to have some fooling around, she made him whip her with a tail of a sting ray while she was blind folded. It stung her like hell; and she got so aroused by it that she took possession of him right there, she on top, straddling him, slapping his face and screaming another girl’s name. “Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Oh, Ah, Elizabeth, damn you!” she keeps on screaming. Screaming and slapping, then breaking into a fit of tears, then wailing until she and he came. After the whole deed, she just sneered at him rather sadistically, her eyes burning with malice.

Her boyfriend, a seemingly dull looking man in his early twenties, was once a renowned “rake” during his “teenage” years. A girlfriend here and a girlfriend there. A fling here and a fling there. He even got three different girls pregnant, as if he doesn’t really give a damn. (Un)Luckily, all of the pregnant girls either ‘miscarried’ (one girl eventually slipped on a bathroom floor in an anonymous resort) or have the embryo aborted (that girl haven’t even had her uterus scraped). And when his mother died, he lost everything in succeeding order. his security, his financial stability, his long-term girlfriend(although that one was done by his “rake” existence in the world. she quoted it as a karma for him; he loved the girl so much). Seemingly, without hatred in his heart, he fell in love with HER. On a heated summer night, when they first fornicated, he even had the illusion that he had taken her virginity. Which was a Big Laugh for her; she KNEW she was not a virgin by then, and WHO, for God’s sake, taken her away.

She was always making him feel inferior, so he got a job. but, such a miserable karma for him, he is still inferior to her. Such agony pesters HER so much that she even wants to end everything up. She is supposed to do it right now, inside this very cafe, at this very minute. then he walks insides, looks lost. She reapplies her ugly, red lipstick and waves at him.

“Now what? I have an appointment with my dentist,” she just cracked his teeth while planting a really weird, ceremonial kiss on him just yesterday. His lip was still swollen, and his eyes were bloodshot.

“Want some coffee?”

Oh, she looks so serene, the man-eating deranged girl. They were talking animatedly by now, even laughing out loud and she grabbing a teaspoon and jabbing it through the air. Her boyfriend looks so happy and contented; he even looked at his watch and frowned, stood up, gave the girl a peck on the lips and left a bill on the table. He walked smiling, outside the cafe.

As soon as he was out of sight, she took the piece of paper bag and threw it furiously at her coffee. She looked, dazedly, into the tiny dry fountain outside near a lamp post outside the cafe, thinking of another Big Laugh and then scribbling another line (or two) on the bill left by him.

Tags: thimble, thought

tikgirl has blogged 13 posts

September 24th, 2007 posted by tikgirl under Love Stories, Uncategorized. [ Comments: 5 ]

The sun is setting on the horizon. The lovely scenery attracts the warmth of the clouds from above, as if they want to see the scene themselves. Two anonymous persons lay idly in a big bed, their clothes on, and innocence flutters in their eyes. The room was spacious, but the door is narrow. There is a wide window on the northern side of the room, where they could see the beautiful sunset. There is a picture hanging on the wall, a kind of hazy, old photograph of another room. It is illuminated by two lamps on its side. The girl is looking on the photograph. The boy was staring at the girl. Out comes two puffs of cigarette from the girls lips.

“Sometimes I get afraid when I see that it’s coming,” she said.

“See what?”

“See that I am becoming sarcastic towards you,”

“You naughty girl.”

“Why, don’t you want to?”

“It depends. On how sarcastic you can be. If I can tolerate it, why not”

“I don’t want to”


“It just means that you are becoming a part of my consciousness.”


“You take care when that happens.”

“And why so, my dear?”

“That’s my deepest, darkest secret.”

“Not a secret anymore.”

“Have you decoded what it means?”

“Slight. It is still blurred in my mind.”

“Sigh. It’s too dark for you to know..”

Read more »

Tags: , sadness

tikgirl has blogged 13 posts

The Perfect Time to be Brave: A love story
May 7th, 2007 posted by rheytard under Bits & Pieces, Literary, Living Overseas, Love Stories, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized. [ Comments: 4 ]

I am crazy about this guy who has a girlfriend of 5 years (I think) in the Philippines. Although we have both already agreed to let whatever-this-thing-is-between-us go, I still am hung up on the dude.

It started out like all normal friendship. I was recovering from a relationship that ended because of distance (and a third party that involved another man from his side) and he was just there for me. Apart from the lingering handshake and the occasional touching of the arms, the connection between us was nothing physical. We were partners, emotionally and spiritually. And I couldn’t go through a day without knowing what went on with his. My world was his world. And I guess I was entirely to blame because I allowed myself to fall. Although I knew I was special to him, I knew that he wouldn’t allow himself to fall for me because he already had someone else. 

He is on leave at the moment, vacationing in the Philippines to be with his family and the love of his life. Before he left, we had our usual bonding time talking about life and being happy in general. I was happy for him, because after 21 months of being away he is finally going home. I was sad for me, because I was going to miss him and I knew he would be with ‘her’. He said he would miss me and that he would always think of me.

A month before his scheduled leave, I made a mistake of telling him I loved him. No, I did not say I had feelings for him or that I liked him. I told him I LOVED HIM. And that it is so hard to be content with just being friends. He said that I was his most beloved friend and if only things were different, he wouldn’t have hesitated to be ‘the guy’ for me. But he already had someone. And he had principles and that he couldn’t do anything else but stick to those principles…

That night I told him I loved him for the first and last time. I cried myself to sleep and I couldn’t bring myself to speak to him anymore.

But guys are rational beings. And I was the only person emotionally affected. Even if I tried to ignore him, he would say hey. He would try to act the same normal irritating midget that he was. He sent me an SMS asking if we could be just like before because he is having a hard time not having anything to do with me. I was so much a part of his life that he didn’t want to let go of that. I said, if ever he needs me, I will always be here.

I continued to ignore him after that message. He gave up trying to get the way we were back eventually. I did my best to fight off the feeling of wanting to be in his life.

Until two nights before he was going to go…

It was Thursday. (Thursday night is Choir practice for us and usually we sleep over afterwards and played Ping-Pong till we die) He shook my hand really tight that night when he saw me and said that he was looking for me. I told him I was just there, busy. We had choir practice and when everyone left, we played table tennis. Now everyone else was tired but I had too much chocolate and soda in my system which got me all hyper and I guess he was excited about leaving that he couldn’t sleep anymore. We played 5 games (I beat him in 4) and I told him to go to sleep. He asked me if I was going to sleep, I told him i’m too energized to sleep.

So I got a chair and sat down at the Ping-Pong table with a box full of stuff we had to organize and started to work. He sat with me and started talking. I asked him if he was excited about leaving. He said he wished he didn’t have to go back and that he was happy here. I told him that I know he would be happier there. He said ‘di siguro’ (I don’t think so). And I told him that it’s a great feeling that someone you love and loves you is waiting for you but nothing beats being reunited with that someone. (Secretly I was wishing his girlfriend would break up with him and he would come back to me. and I would be fixin’ his broken heart).

He kept denying that he would have a great time, (which comforted me at some levels) but I knew he would have the time of his life and that he would hate coming back… He would hate coming back to me)

At four in the morning, the effect of the sugar started to wear off and I told him that we should really go to sleep. He said he missed spending time with me like this. I told him I guess we were both just busy. He said I was just out of reach all the time. I knew he was right.

The next morning, he wore the shirt I gave him for Christmas. It was the last day I was going to see him. We didn’t talk. And I was sad about that.

The day he was leaving he called me and I gave him some tips about traveling. We laughed most of the conversation and I told him not to forget me. And he promised he wouldn’t.

5 minutes before his plane took off he sent me an sms telling me that he would miss me. my heart broke but I knew that what he said would change as soon his plane lands in Manila.

Right now, he is probably with her, renewing whatever commitments they made to one another, vowing to wait until the time is right… making plans to make babies in the future… roasting marshmallows in the summer heat… having the time of their lives… the thought of me erased from his mind…

I have learned that saying how you feel does not necessarily make things better, most of the time it makes things awkward and weird. It does not magically make someone realize that they actually think you are right. It just lets them know that you have these crazy ideas in your head.

Taking chances does not really mean you would win. It only means you were brave enough to do something about your life. I wanted him to love me back and I took the chance by telling him.

I didn’t win. But I was brave.

It was a stupid time to pick being brave though but at least I was brave.

Tags: , lost, life

rheytard has blogged 2 posts

Unsaid, undone
December 17th, 2006 posted by stellar under Love Stories. [ Comments: none ]

She held back a tear, watching him leave. She had wanted him to feel that she was not regretful. She couldn’t take back what she said. But now she’s not so sure what she wants. Or where she stands.

She vaguely remembered someone telling her that it was fine if men went after women sometimes after a breakup. It was natural. It doesn’t go against any moral law. Or does it? But then she also remembered someone telling her that when men say it’s over, it is over.

She spent the last week convincing herself that what happened was a bomb just waiting to explode. They always knew it was there, always knew there was something dangerous around them, but they neglected it. Suddenly, they were both taken by surprise by their actions, not considering at all each other’s feelings. And now it is over.

She wished she told him that it didn’t matter if he didn’t go with her that day she said she wanted to watch the sunrise with him. And it didn’t matter if he never got her the flowers she wanted him to give her on their anniversary. The forgotten flowers, neglected lunch dates, times when he promised he would see her but didn’t for some reason, him laughing when she said she thought cats were scary. They were actually unimportant things. Or weren’t they?

There were many things she wished she didn’t say. And things she wished she did say.


He never understood her reasons for leaving him. He thought everything was OK, that he was making her happy. But apparently he wasn’t. And now, he thought, it’s over. He felt ashamed after hearing those things from her. But it made him feel worse when he realize that all of those were true.

He never thought that forgetting to give her flowers would cause this much trouble. Right, it wasn’t just the flowers after all. She said there were too many things left unsaid. And that was the problem. He never realized this before, how unfair.

If only he did, they would still be together. But no, he couldn’t even look at her in the eye after what happened. It took all his effort to even continue walking away and not looking back to beg her for another chance.

He wouldn’t talk to her again. He couldn’t—even if he wanted to. Women, they say, never joke about these things. But he still hoped that she would change her mind.

There were many things he wished he didn’t do. And things he wished he did do.

stellar has blogged 5 posts


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