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Misc


How to write the best resume
October 20th, 2008 posted by JB under Career Tales. [ Comments: 4 ]

The interviewer offers me these standard questions:

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

What can you contribute to the company?

How do you see yourself five years from now?

These are usual questions. There’s a whole list of others, but these three, you won’t walk away from a job interview without having to answer them. They’re designed supposedly to allow the interviewer determine if you’re fit for the job. They also make interviews full of shit.

I’m not really looking for a job. I work at home. I have a steady income from my online projects. I own goats, pigs, chickens, guinea pigs, and some other fierce animals whose ownership indicates overlord status. Which means I’m an actual overlord. I also own an ukay-ukay-bought bald-headed albino slave who entertains me by popping out of nowhere in a pink tutu dancing to the first few waltzes of The Nutcracker (when available). Clearly, I have everything. But I was browsing the interwebs the other day and found this opening for a copywriter.

For those who don’t know, the copywriter is the writer version of a prostitute. In the advertising industry, the copywriter supplies the words. In a more general corporate sense, depending on the company and the overpaid weasel who manages it, a copywriter may be asked to write speeches, annual reports, letters to the editor of some annoying but important broadsheet, the English essay assignment of the CEO’s seven-year-old daughter.

[Continue reading]



JB has blogged 120 posts



Sa mga sandaling gaya ngayon
December 31st, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Alumni Stories, Career Tales, Living Overseas. [ Comments: 1 ]

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas masarap gawin. Ang isulat ang mga walang kabuluhang naiisip ko o hayaan lang na titigan ang mga ito sa pagitan ng aking mga mata. Parang tatlong pulgada lang mula sa aking noo ang distansya ng blankong kawalang ito na wala naman talagang saysay at anyo para sa akin. Pero ang existence nito ang umuubos sa mabagal na mabilis na takbo ng oras ko.

Hanggang ngayon, mas malubha pa nga siguro sa isang schizophrenic at sa isang taong bangag at tulala ang kalagayan ko sa mga sandaling na ito. Mas mainam pa nga sila minsan kasi nabibigyan nila ng katauhan at pangalan ang mga nililikha ng isipan nila pero para sa akin, kahit isang butil na anyo ay wala akong maturan.

Kahit na mag-ubos pa siguro ako ng isang tangkeng yogurt sa kakaisip sa blankong kawalan na ito ay mauuwi lang ako sa estadong pinagmulan ko. Alam ko madalas blangko ang isip ko, yung walang maisip pero nag-iisip ng wala - ginugulo ako ng kawalan. Kaya nga marahil mas masarap pa lasingin ko na lamang ang aking sarili sa kakatitig dito kasi hindi ko naman talaga maisusulat ito kasi kahit na tuldok ay wala akong mailalagay. Ewan ko ba. Parang nag-ii-skydiving ang isipan ko parati. Pag tinatanung ako kung ano ang iniisip ko, ang prangkang sagot ko ay ‘wala lang’. Ayaw nilang maniwala sa sagot ko at sasabihin nila na baka me problema ako. Ano magagawa ko? Iyon naman kasi talaga ang madalas na iniisip ko. Wala. O kaya, marahil ay naghihintay lang ako sa pagsulpot ng isang bastos na screensaver ni Sora Aoi sa harapan ko.

O kaya, marahil ay tinititigan ko lang ang marahang paghagod ng saglit habang pinapatigil ko ang pagkatunaw nito. O kaya naman ay nais ko lang magpahinga sa kakaisip sa mga bagay na walang kwenta at me kwenta. At siguro nais ko lang na kahit minsan ay maging malaya ako sa mga ito. O kaya rin ay gusto ko lang sigurong makatakas pansamantala sa obligasyon kong mag-isip nang hindi umiinom ng muriatic acid o nagpapakalunod sa panis na katotohanan na lahat ng tao ay mga _________ lamang at ang mundong ito ay isang malaking _________ kagaya ko.

Minsan, pag dinadalaw ako nito upang titigan sya ay nagpapakabingi na lang ako sa mga pinirata kong piniratang MP3. Kahit hindi ko pakinggan ang lyrics ng paborito kong kanta ng Imago ay sapat na sa akin na maramdaman na kahit 245 seconds ay mas pinili ko na magpakaanod kasama ng diwa ni Aia gaya ng isang candy wrapper sa marahas na pag-agos ng tubig habang hindi alintana kung saang bangin ba nito ako itatapon matapos. Pikit-mata ko na lamang uling hahagkan ang malansang mundo tutal wala namang kabuluhang problemahin pa ito.

Inakala ko dati mas masarap makipag-unahan sa mundo kaysa titigan lamang ito mula sa isang sulok. Pero tila ba sa saglit na magawa mo nang maunahan ito, at malampasan ang lahat ng ginawa at nagsulputang problema, at mapagtawanan ang de-pisong masa, at madurhan ang masaklap na kahapon, at mabigyan ng katanungan ang mga sagot mo, at masipa ng ilang kwadrilyong ulit ang mga sandaling pagtakas ay mapapansin mo na wala pala talagang kabuluhan ang lahat ng mga ito. Pagkatapos ng lahat, wala ka nang kabuluhan. Marahil wala ngang kabuluhan ang tunay na kabuluhan ng lahat. Sa takot at lungkot lang naman natin talaga nag-uugat ang saysay ng lahat ng ating ilusyon.

Andito lang naman siguro tayo para pagmasdan ang pagsikat ng araw at ang paglubog nito. Upang pagmasdan ang pagkabigo at pagkasawi ng lahat, ang pagiging ampaw ng tao, ang pagdating ng bago at ang pag-alis ng luma. Bawat paglipas ng saglit ay senyales ng unti-unti nating pagkatalo sa oras.

Alam ko me kahulugan ang mga bagay subalit hindi ko alam ang kahulugan ng kahulugan nito. Ginugulo ko lang ata siguro ang 1 GB (gagobyte) na isipan ko.

Pero hindi ko pa rin alam, madalas hindi ako pinapatulog ng naiisip kong ewan. Bigla na lang na magigising ako mula sa aking pagkakatulog upang lingunin ang hangin, pero kahit ang hangin ay walang kinalaman kasi pakiwari ko nasa vacuum ako o nasa puyo ng isang black hole na bigla na lamang sumusulpot sa sintido ko at nakikihigop rin sa hindi ko naubos na Pepsi. Subukan ko mang bigyan ng anyo ang nilalang na nasa harapan ko sa pagbuga ng usok dito mula sa nahinging yosing hinihithit ko ngayon ay wala ring maitutulong. At gaya ng dati, gaya nung mga nakaraang araw, gaya nung mga nakaraang mental eclipses, eleksyon at dinastiya, kahit usok, kahit imahinasyon, kahit isang patinig ay pawang naduduwag na hubaran ang gumugulo sa akin.

Marahil, siguro, ang blankong kawalan na nakalutang sa harapan ng mga mata ko ngayon ay reflection lamang ng tunay na pagkatao ko. Isang blank space na nabigyan ng obligasyong mabuhay at nakatakda ring mawalan nito upang ibalik din sa tunay nitong anyo. At marahil, sa sandaling iyon, maiintindihan ko na ang lahat-lahat.

At marahil hindi na nga rin talaga.



Tags: , ,

stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Malu Fernandez’s shit has hit the fan
September 8th, 2007 posted by JB under Career Tales, Living Overseas. [ Comments: 7 ]

This has been raging all over the OFW interwebs, and I had sort of ignored it because many other people much angrier (and have every right to be so) than I am have already poured out their rage using the most colorful language you can think of. It’s about this “lifestyle writer” Malu Fernandez and some article she wrote for People Asia. It’s about how Malu “suffered” from the OFWs’ “AXE and Charlie cologne” while her ‘Jo Malone melted into thin air’.

Funny because the first thing I’ve read was Malu’s defense of her write-up some days ago, not the actual controversial thing itself, insisting that she had meant it to be funny. When I finally saw these two pages of nouveau riche drivel, I have to admit Malu indeed fucked up. Yes, indeed it was funny — but only when told to a close circle of like-minded parvenu friends, and not as something that everybody smarter than Malu’s (presumably perfumed) pet chihuahua can read.

Here’s one of the more eloquent “rebuttals” from someone named Ingrid Holm:

***

Dear Malu Fernandez

FIRST OF ALL, How nouveau riche can one get? Did you marry rich? Did you suddenly come in to money? Your blatant displays of your ‘luxuries’ and ‘wealth’ and your comfort with using the word ‘elitist’ to describe yourself alongside the fact that you had to reference to ‘politicians in your family’ show that even if you did come from money, you certainly have no class.

You also seem to need to name-drop in every article that you write.

It really gets to me that you should complain about the coach seats on your Emirates flight. Honey, they aint small… YOU’RE FAT. Spare yourself some doughnuts and maybe your travels will be more comfortable… coach, or not.

MOST IMPORTANTLY. That you would put down OFW’s (Overseas Filipino Workers) is really DISGUSTING. It makes you sound more vile than what you described as the scent of their ‘AXE and Charlie cologne’ while your ‘Jo Malone melted into thin air’. Honey, without that perfume, you want to know what you smell like? Like a fat Filipino woman. The smell is probably more putrid than the smell of those OFW’s. Cause they sweat honest, hard-working sweat. The kind of sweat that keeps the Filipino economy going. They’re fucking brave. They’ve seen more than you, felt more than you, and fought more than you. You’re just a coddled fat Filipino woman, under all of that cologne, and that branded clothing that makes you feel more important than them.

It sounds to me like you get to fly Business Class when you travel for work, but when you had to pay for your own travels, coach was more affordable. You tried to hide this by grandiose references to your perfume and your designer wear, didn’t you? Tsk tsk…

You made some mention of having 17kg’s of make-up in your hand-carry. All the make-up and adornments in the world can’t hide how ugly you are inside. You aint that good-looking either, hon. Go to the gym, eat some fruits. You wrote that you wanted to slit your wrists because you were stuck in coach with all the OFW’s. I am MOVED every time I am on a flight with OFW’s. I am reminded of their resilience. Of how hard they work, and how they keep the Philippines going. The economy relies on their bravery. You should have slit your wrists, hon. And you are going to hell if you don’t change the way you think. Think of sitting in coach, imagining your personal hell as a personal foreshadowing.

I have lived in the Philippines, and I have also traveled the world. I’ve probably been to as many if not more places than you, seen more things than you, so maybe despite all of this money you seem to need to brandish and the places you have been to, you’re just an ignorant. This coming from a 20 year old girl.

You’re act isn’t classy. You’re not pretentious. You’re just some stupid woman, living in a third world country, thinking that because you jetted off to Greece and you wear Jo Malone perfume, you are suddenly something.

Take this from someone with the same ’socio-economic background’ as you, bitch. What a pitiful excuse.

I also happen to read things ‘thicker than magazines’, I go to University in London where I will finish with an Honors Bachelors Degree in May. I have a 1 year Marketing Economics degree from a business school in Oslo, and I graduated with an International Baccalaureate Diploma at age 17, if you were wondering. So no fucking excuses.

You could do so much more than you think, yet you choose to act like a proper twat. The kind of twat that people with some brains laugh at, the world over. Think of this as some more exposure.

I am ashamed of people like you.

OFW’S all over the world, working their tits off, deserve a public apology.

**

Scans of Malu Fernandez’s write-up on People Asia.

Page 1: (Click to see the large version)

Page 2:



Tags: Malu+Fernandez, People+Asia

JB has blogged 120 posts



Probably The Most Hilarious English Teacher In Korea
September 6th, 2007 posted by JB under Career Tales. [ Comments: 3 ]

MJ, who goes by the moniker “Deity” for some reason, is one of those former MASP instructors (yes, those English-speaking, hot-uniform-wearing girls Adamsonian freshmen like me used to hit on) who now teach English in South Korea. This entry from her blog is incredibly hilarious I couldn’t resist posting it here.

Diane: Teacher you sure you wear panty?
Me: (Already plotting a glamorous way of getting rid of this arrogant elf) Of course, I am! You want to see them?
Class: (Shrieking at the same) Nooooooooooooo!!! Please, please teacher nooooo!!! She’s so gross! Teacher’s bad! Bad teacher!

Me: That’s it! Diane, you stay after the class! I’m going to call your mom!

Diane: (Giving me her sweetest devil-ish grin) Teacher, you like chocolate? I give you Hersheys!

As an aside, anyone who wants to be a great English teacher in Korea should first head over to Dr Kim’s English certification clinic.



JB has blogged 120 posts



Funny job interview lines
February 9th, 2007 posted by Ramon Millonte under Alumni Stories, Career Tales. [ Comments: 4 ]

Forwarded to me, from AdU computer science graduate Erwin Abadier. This is from somebody working as a recruitment associate for a call center. See # 28.

1. I am a flexible and I am perseverance person (when asked to describe her personality)
2. I want to learn more English words. (when asked why he wanted to work in a call center). [Damn! Read the dictionary!]
3. Do you have any extra ordinary positions that I can take for granted (roughly translated: Meron po ba kayong ibang position na pwede ko’ng apply-an?)
4. “Ten” (When asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her articulation)
5. “Kelan po?” (when asked to count from 1 to 40 to measure her articulation)
6. “I would choose IRATE CALLERS, Sir.” (Answer to the question: If you will change the COLOR of the world, what would it be and why?)
7. “I want to entertain and satisfy customers” (hmmm….interesting concept…so…what are you wearing right now?)
8. “I want to expose myself to the customers.” (Answer to why he wants to work in a call center”) – Flasher ITO!
9. “Is there an opening for a call center?” (Oh so you want to become a call center now huh?)
10. “Hi. Good afternoon, my name is _____, and I’m a call center from the Philippines.” (solohin ba)
11. Chocolates, boys with tongue pierce.” (An applicant’s answer to the question: What are your weaknesses?”
12. “I think Grade 3 and 4 students are very childish!” (Answer to the question: What do you think is the most difficult part of teaching Grade 3 and 4 students)
13. “Haller???!!! ??? (knocks on the table) THE SALARY!” (Answer to Why do you want to work in a call center?)
14. “I’m a married person, I have 2 children, the same boy”
15. “It’s a colorful world.” (Describe the shirt you’re wearing.)
16. “It’s a boomed industry.” (So all agents are now dead, I guess)
17. “I like to explore other people.” (ay sus…maniac ka ano?)
18. “I want to explore myself more.” (Answer to why do you want to work in a call center. bagay sila ni #17…)
19. “Hu u? How did you get my #? Text me back, huri. Send me load.” (The audacity of an applicant can sometimes appall you.)
20. “I was scheduled for an exam this morning….I wasn’t able to make it…because I WAS TONSILITIS.”
21. “Hi Maam, do you have an opening.” (Lokong to ah!)
22. “I want to adventure into the graveyard…” (Langya, mahiilig ka sa patay!)
23. “I would like to be a part of the graveyard…” (isa ka pa…thriller… thriller night)
24. “Gd pm sir, im realy sri wen u call me I cnt hear clearly coz d raindrops of d rain is vry noisy. Rgrdng of wat u want 2 knw y u call me?” (A text message from an applicant)
25. “Do you accept walking applicants?” (No, we prefer flying ones)
26. Interviewer: So you’re an undergrad. What year are you in right now? Applicant: Oh I’m just here in the house. Interviewer: No, I asked you what year you’re in. Applicant: Year? I’m 25 years old! (Nagkakaintindihan tayo pare…)
27. Applicant: Agency ba to? Interviewer: No sir, head hunting firm. Applicant (turning to friend): Egg-hunting daw pare! (Happy Easter!)
28. “In the middle of my study at Adamson, my father fortunately passed away.” (FORTUNATELY? ??!!!)
29. “Hello, i just want to inquire about the application resume that i planted in the computer…” (Ano ka, farmer?)
30. “May inaantay ako na trabaho kaya gusto ko lang na may mapag LILIBINGAN.” (Answer to the question “Why do you prefer a part-time job?” Tagalog na yun ha! Mahilig talaga kayo sa patay!)



Ramon Millonte has blogged 17 posts



Adamson’s real gem
December 20th, 2006 posted by arlene.p under Alumni Stories, Career Tales. [ Comments: 4 ]

Adamson was my home for 16 years. It has granted me opportunities a fresh college graduate would probably only dream about. I was a freshman at 15 and barely 20 years old when I started teaching, armed with only a bachelor ’s degree and a 1-year teaching stint as a speech instructor, I felt I was not good enough. I enrolled myself in post-graduate school (PNU) so I could be better at my craft. However, after two semesters, the English Department (now, the Foreign Languages) recommended me and a colleague to a post-graduate program for English Language teachers sponsored by De La Salle University. The experience and the degree gave me the confidence I needed to be good at what I do.

My students were my life then. I lived and breathed for them. I would be in school as early as 7 AM and would come home as late as midnight! There was so much to do with so little time! Aside from my regular classes, I trained speech contestants, produced school plays, supervised the MASP, counseled students, hosted programs, attended seminars, etc. I had the time of my life! I did not mind the busy schedule, I loved everything that I did (except checking papers!). Working with young minds with fresh and creative ideas inspired me to make a difference.

Joebert, Jomar, Aimee, Bob, Peewee, Pet, Maui, Alvin, Emilson, Janette, Venus, Maureen, Cynthia, Jerbeck, Joy, Mike, the MASP’s, the Masscom Students, etc., there are so many of them (I’ll never remember all their names but they are all in my heart!) who have touched my life and who have made every minute of my stay in the university worthwhile. Adamson may not be at par with other universities as far as facilities (at least during my teaching stint, there has been a tremendous change!) or even teaching staff (we need more with post-graduate degrees in their field of study) are concerned, but its real gem are the students who may not always be proud of their alma mater but who always try to be the best at what they do so they could compete with students from other universities, preconceived to be better than theirs. It’s no easy task to be always the underdog, but it is definitely a feat when the underdog emerges the champ!

I have seen it done many times.



arlene.p has blogged 3 posts


 


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