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Sa mga sandaling gaya ngayon
December 31st, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Alumni Stories, Career Tales, Living Overseas. [ Comments: 1 ]

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas masarap gawin. Ang isulat ang mga walang kabuluhang naiisip ko o hayaan lang na titigan ang mga ito sa pagitan ng aking mga mata. Parang tatlong pulgada lang mula sa aking noo ang distansya ng blankong kawalang ito na wala naman talagang saysay at anyo para sa akin. Pero ang existence nito ang umuubos sa mabagal na mabilis na takbo ng oras ko.

Hanggang ngayon, mas malubha pa nga siguro sa isang schizophrenic at sa isang taong bangag at tulala ang kalagayan ko sa mga sandaling na ito. Mas mainam pa nga sila minsan kasi nabibigyan nila ng katauhan at pangalan ang mga nililikha ng isipan nila pero para sa akin, kahit isang butil na anyo ay wala akong maturan.

Kahit na mag-ubos pa siguro ako ng isang tangkeng yogurt sa kakaisip sa blankong kawalan na ito ay mauuwi lang ako sa estadong pinagmulan ko. Alam ko madalas blangko ang isip ko, yung walang maisip pero nag-iisip ng wala - ginugulo ako ng kawalan. Kaya nga marahil mas masarap pa lasingin ko na lamang ang aking sarili sa kakatitig dito kasi hindi ko naman talaga maisusulat ito kasi kahit na tuldok ay wala akong mailalagay. Ewan ko ba. Parang nag-ii-skydiving ang isipan ko parati. Pag tinatanung ako kung ano ang iniisip ko, ang prangkang sagot ko ay ‘wala lang’. Ayaw nilang maniwala sa sagot ko at sasabihin nila na baka me problema ako. Ano magagawa ko? Iyon naman kasi talaga ang madalas na iniisip ko. Wala. O kaya, marahil ay naghihintay lang ako sa pagsulpot ng isang bastos na screensaver ni Sora Aoi sa harapan ko.

O kaya, marahil ay tinititigan ko lang ang marahang paghagod ng saglit habang pinapatigil ko ang pagkatunaw nito. O kaya naman ay nais ko lang magpahinga sa kakaisip sa mga bagay na walang kwenta at me kwenta. At siguro nais ko lang na kahit minsan ay maging malaya ako sa mga ito. O kaya rin ay gusto ko lang sigurong makatakas pansamantala sa obligasyon kong mag-isip nang hindi umiinom ng muriatic acid o nagpapakalunod sa panis na katotohanan na lahat ng tao ay mga _________ lamang at ang mundong ito ay isang malaking _________ kagaya ko.

Minsan, pag dinadalaw ako nito upang titigan sya ay nagpapakabingi na lang ako sa mga pinirata kong piniratang MP3. Kahit hindi ko pakinggan ang lyrics ng paborito kong kanta ng Imago ay sapat na sa akin na maramdaman na kahit 245 seconds ay mas pinili ko na magpakaanod kasama ng diwa ni Aia gaya ng isang candy wrapper sa marahas na pag-agos ng tubig habang hindi alintana kung saang bangin ba nito ako itatapon matapos. Pikit-mata ko na lamang uling hahagkan ang malansang mundo tutal wala namang kabuluhang problemahin pa ito.

Inakala ko dati mas masarap makipag-unahan sa mundo kaysa titigan lamang ito mula sa isang sulok. Pero tila ba sa saglit na magawa mo nang maunahan ito, at malampasan ang lahat ng ginawa at nagsulputang problema, at mapagtawanan ang de-pisong masa, at madurhan ang masaklap na kahapon, at mabigyan ng katanungan ang mga sagot mo, at masipa ng ilang kwadrilyong ulit ang mga sandaling pagtakas ay mapapansin mo na wala pala talagang kabuluhan ang lahat ng mga ito. Pagkatapos ng lahat, wala ka nang kabuluhan. Marahil wala ngang kabuluhan ang tunay na kabuluhan ng lahat. Sa takot at lungkot lang naman natin talaga nag-uugat ang saysay ng lahat ng ating ilusyon.

Andito lang naman siguro tayo para pagmasdan ang pagsikat ng araw at ang paglubog nito. Upang pagmasdan ang pagkabigo at pagkasawi ng lahat, ang pagiging ampaw ng tao, ang pagdating ng bago at ang pag-alis ng luma. Bawat paglipas ng saglit ay senyales ng unti-unti nating pagkatalo sa oras.

Alam ko me kahulugan ang mga bagay subalit hindi ko alam ang kahulugan ng kahulugan nito. Ginugulo ko lang ata siguro ang 1 GB (gagobyte) na isipan ko.

Pero hindi ko pa rin alam, madalas hindi ako pinapatulog ng naiisip kong ewan. Bigla na lang na magigising ako mula sa aking pagkakatulog upang lingunin ang hangin, pero kahit ang hangin ay walang kinalaman kasi pakiwari ko nasa vacuum ako o nasa puyo ng isang black hole na bigla na lamang sumusulpot sa sintido ko at nakikihigop rin sa hindi ko naubos na Pepsi. Subukan ko mang bigyan ng anyo ang nilalang na nasa harapan ko sa pagbuga ng usok dito mula sa nahinging yosing hinihithit ko ngayon ay wala ring maitutulong. At gaya ng dati, gaya nung mga nakaraang araw, gaya nung mga nakaraang mental eclipses, eleksyon at dinastiya, kahit usok, kahit imahinasyon, kahit isang patinig ay pawang naduduwag na hubaran ang gumugulo sa akin.

Marahil, siguro, ang blankong kawalan na nakalutang sa harapan ng mga mata ko ngayon ay reflection lamang ng tunay na pagkatao ko. Isang blank space na nabigyan ng obligasyong mabuhay at nakatakda ring mawalan nito upang ibalik din sa tunay nitong anyo. At marahil, sa sandaling iyon, maiintindihan ko na ang lahat-lahat.

At marahil hindi na nga rin talaga.



Tags: Adamson+Chronicle, Adamsonian, Adamson+University

stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Sa panulat na lagi kong tangan
December 31st, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Adamson Chronicle, Alumni Stories, Opinion. [ Comments: 2 ]

Marahil, kung meron mang isang linya na talagang tumatak sa aking isipan at mahirap makalimutan - ito ay mula sa akdang isinulat ni Celia.

Gaya ng dati, hindi pa rin nagbabago ang dahilan ko kung bakit ako nagsulat noon at kung bakit ako muling nagsusulat ngayon matapos ang limang taong pagiging isang android. Nagsusulat ako kasi dito ko lang nailalabas ang lahat ng santimong nag-aamok sa lubak-lubak na iskinita ng isipan ko.

Dahil din sa wala akong makausap kaya ako nagsusulat. Napakadalang kasing me matatagpuan kang nilalang na hindi apektado sa buhay ni Kris Aquino at yung me interes sa mga bagay na hindi madalas napag-uusapan. Puro kababawan at mga walang katuturang kwento ang maaasahan mo sa mga akademistang kaklase, sa mga kasamahan sa trabaho, at sa lahat ng nakakasalubong mo sa kalye. Pakiwari ko tuloy minsan ay parang umaatras ang evolution process ko at kapag nagpatuloy pa ang ganitong sitwasyon ay marahil, pagkalipas ng 10 years ay isa na lamang akong naglalakad na plankton.

Kung ano kasi ang binabalita sa telebisyon at dyaryo, ito lang ang pinag-uusapan ng masa – bukod sa tsismisan sa barangay. Balita sa pulitika at sa showbiz na ang tanging dahilan lamang ay para manlinlang ng tao. Karamihan sa mga balitang naririnig at napapanuod natin ay ginawa lang para magkaroon sila ng magandang rating, me gimik at me nililikhang senaryo, at upang ihanda ang isipan ng masa para sa evil deeds na binabalak nilang gawin. Puro commercial ads na lang ang lahat.

At sa trabaho, sa katotohanang wala ka nang aatupagin kundi ang araw-araw na magsaksak ng time card sa bundy clock upang i-prove lang ang existence mo. Hello?! At yung trabaho mo na mas challenging pa ata ang magbalat ng butong-pakwan. Andyan pa yung lagi kang ngingiti sa boss mong alien at sa mga kasamahan mo sa opisina na mas ‘ungas’ pa sa medyas mo. Yung makikibagay ka sa mga malalabnaw na kwentuhan ng ibang Pinoy para di ka ma-out of place at mapanisan ng laway pag-uwi. At yung bang maghahanap ka pa ng taong makikinig sa mga kulot mong tanong at sa mga balbon mong pananaw na hindi ka pagtatawanan o iisnabin o lalayasan o ipagdarasal o sasabihan ka na isa kang anti-Christ o nasisiraan ka na ng ulo o yung sasabihan ka ng isang HRD manager na baka magtatag ka lang ng isang unyon dahil sa sineryoso mo ang pagsagot sa kaniyang psychological exam.

Kaya nga mas mainam na ibuga na lang ang lahat ng iyong mga kahiwagaan sa pagsusulat. Kung paanong na-engganyo ako para magsulat noong nasa Adamson pa ako na may mga isyu pala na mas higit pa sa aking pagiging simpleng estudyante noon at may mga bagay pa na higit pa sa Vision-Mission na inilatag sa iyo ng Adamson. Ang eksena noon at ang eksena ngayon ay walang pinagbago sa kulay maliban lamang sa katotohanang mas malawak at mas nakakalason na ang mundo, mas marami nang isyu - di lang sa magigiting na OSA at AUSG. At wala na ang tinimbang at affordable na sisigsilog na may gravy.

Sa pagsusulat din ay makakalikha ka ng mundo, ng iyong dimensyon, at ng iyong lokasyon sa kalawakan. Dito, ikaw ang bida at ang kontrabida, ikaw ang anghel at ang demonyo, ikaw ang prinsepe at ang natutulog na prinsesa, ikaw si Joma at si Gloria, ikaw ang rapist at ang rape victim, ikaw si Panday at si Lizardo, at ikaw ang tanong at ang sagot. At kaya mong i-fast forward ang panahon, lumikha ng wormhole, gawing four sides ang triangle, lumunok ng atomic bomb, at higit sa lahat, pwedeng ikaw ang maging number 1 porno star sa mundo at si Mai Hagiwara o si Sora Aoi ang next na ka-partner mo. O silang pareho.

At sa iyong lampara, makakalikha ka ng simula at ng wakas.

At ng panibagong simula uli.



Tags: Adamson+Chronicle, Adamsonian, Adamson+University

stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Real world: level one
December 19th, 2007 posted by Shekhinah under Campus Issues, Criticism. [ Comments: 1 ]

Di ba maangas kapag narerecord mo ang bawat segundo ng buhay mo? Wala lang. Para mapagtawanan mo ang mga nakakahiyang sandali at pag-aralan kung saan ka ba nagkamali. O kaya kilalanin ng mabuti ang pagmumuka ng mga taong nakikiukit ng iyong pagkatao sa pamamaraang hindi naman masyadong nakakakiliti? Ewan.

Fourth year. Ngayon, andito na ko sa puntong malumanay kong hinahakbang ang unang pagtapak ko sa loob ng real world. Dala ko ang aking bag na walang ibang laman kundi ang pag-asang pag labas ko ng unibersidad, makakapagsulat ako sa pinakapinagkakatiwalaang pahayagan sa buong Pilipinas o makakapagtrabaho ako sa isang magandang kumpanya na may sweldong masasabi kong katapat ng mga unong nakukuha ko. Tinatanaw ko sa dulo ng aking kamalayan na pagkalipas ng apat na buwan, magiging manunulat ako at mababago ko ang lipunan gamit ang mga ideyalismong natutunan ko sa loob ng Adamson. Kasama ang mga kaibigan ko, hahabi kami ng isang kwento na isasa-pelikula at ito ang gigising sa dugo ng mga tamad na kabataang Pilipino nang sila’y ganahan sa kanilang pakikipagsapalaran sa ngalan ng diploma at karunungan. Oo, pangarap at optimism. Ano bang inaasahan mo sa isang estudyanteng malapit ng makatapos? Uy, assuming!

Anim na buwan na ang nakalipas, sinimulan kong kumatok samala-gintong pintuan ng real world. Sa ibaba ng pintuan, may kulay pink na welcome mat. May apat na pulang ribbon tas may smiley pa. Naks. Napangiti ako. Binuksan ko ang pinto at sumilip sandali. Umasa akong may babati sa akin ng “Magandang Umaga!” o kaya magsasabi na tumuloy ako sabay aabutan ako ng kape. Pag-asa na nga lang siguro dahil sa unang pagsilip ko tumambang sa akin ang isang napakalaking sign board na nagsasabing: “GAWIN MO ANG DAPAT MONG GAWIN AT BILISAN MO!” Walang welcome party, walang banner ng pangalan ko, wala ring getting to know each other. Parang pumasok ka lang sa silid-aralan para ipagyabang ang bago mong uniform, bag, lapis, papel at may baon ka pang Zesto at Happy house tas ang sasambulat sa’yo ay ang teacher mong nagsusulat ng math problems sa pisara habang ang mga kaklase mo ay nangungulot ang mga noo sa pagsagot. Ni wala silang panahon tumigil at tumingin sa direksyon mo. Posibleng may lumapit sayo pero hindi para gabayan ka papunta sa iyong upuan kundi para asarin ka dahil baliktad ang pagkakasuot mo ng sapatos mo. Minsan, yung teacher mo pa mismo ang gagawa nun. Tas pagtatawanan ka ng buong klase. Mga five minutes. Tas wala na ulit silang pakialam sayo. Oo, parang coming of age na pelikula sabay anti-climactic. Hindi ka uuwing luhaan. Hindi ka uuwing nakatawa. Uuwi kang tulala. Matutulog tas mangangarap ulit.

Totoong importante ang oras, bawat segundo ay katumbas ng ginto na pinaghihirapan mo upang manatiling nakatayo. Simula pa lang, isang napakahaba ng karera ang tingin ko sa buhay. Akala ko nun, yung mga kasabay mo lang ang may kakayahang pumatid sayo. Sa unang pagsilip ko sa real world, nalaman ko na ang mga nakarating sa finish line at pabalik na ay may kapangyarihan ding gambalahin ang karerang gustong-gusto mong ipanalo. Ngayon, natutunan ko na ang “pinball” ay isa sa mga bagay na dapat kinakalimutan sa sandaling maramdaman na ng anino mo ang latay ng mga bihasa na sa real world. Mababaw lang ang pinball pero walang puwang ang kababawan sa sinasabi kong mundo. Sa real world, matututunan mong isang malaking pang-uuto ang lahat ng natutunan mo sa mundong kunwari ay naghubog sayo. Kasi dito, hindi importante kung 1.2 ka sa editorial and column writing o kung aspiring writer ka pero naka-take two ka ng world lit- hindi sila interesado sa kasaysayan ng TCG mo. Sa totoo lang, wala silang pakialam sa buong kasaysayan ng pagkatao mo. Parang back to zero ang lahat dahil sa sandaling kumatok ka sa pintuan ng mundong ito, garantisadong hindi ka kaagad nakatayo. Gumagapang kang sasalubungin ang mga mapang-mata na magpapamuka sayo na ang pagsasalita ng banyaga ang magsasabi kung maituturing ka bang diyosa.

Hindi ko alam kung gano katagal ang paggapang ko, pero alam kong hindi uso ang kaibigan sa mundong ito. Walang lalapit sayo para itayo ka. Kawawa ka lang kung hindi mo babaguhin ang mga pananaw mo. Kung sa simula pa lang susuko ka, pangarapin mo na lang na maging contestant sa Wowowee. Hindi ko din alam kung may hagdan bang dapat akyatin para
tingalain ka ng marami. Bahala na. Kung sampung taon pa ko dapat gumapang, walang problema. Isa lang ang panghahawakan ko, mabilis akong matuto. Hindi ako mababawasan sa lahat ng maririnig ko, gano man kalalim ang pagkakabaon nito sa akin. Hindi ako mababawasan, madadagdagan ako. Sana lahat ng fresh graduates ay matutong magsimula sa ibaba ng may bukas na isipan at disiplina sa sarili.

Gusto ko sanang ipakita sa’yo yung nasilip ko sa real world pero mashadong naging mabilis ang mga pangyayari kaya hindi ko na-record. Na-kwento ko naman di ba?! Kung gusto mo, sabay tayong kumatok. Hawakan mo ang kamay ko at hahawakan ko ang kamay mo. Magtawanan tayo. Lubus-lubusin natin ang natitirang sandali na magpakalunod sa lambot ng mga pinapangarap nating ulap. Tutal, fresh grad naman tayo. Pero sa oras na bumukas ang pinto at naiapak na natin ang ating unang hakbang, talo-talo na ha?

Reference:
OJT sa 96.3 WRocK, Philippine Daily Inquirer at One Media, Inc.



Shekhinah has blogged 1 posts



Godot
December 19th, 2007 posted by white garapata under Literary, Random Thoughts. [ Comments: none ]

Imagine Estragon is talking to you. “Don’t be tired,” he said. “Let’s wait for him. There is joy in waiting.” “Why wait here?” you asked. “Why not look for him and kill him.” Estragon laughed. “No one knows where he is. Let’s just wait here. If you try to look for him, you kill the suspense. You kill the anticipation.” “What if he will not come?” “Still, we wait. There is joy in waiting.”

What I am thinking?

A dead weeping willow.

A donkey.

A letter belt.

Figure it out.



Tags:

white garapata has blogged 13 posts



Adamson Chronicle’s office renovation
December 11th, 2007 posted by JB under Adamson Chronicle. [ Comments: 1 ]

Josh has posted these high-res photos of the on-going renovation of the old Adamson Chronicle office. One can only hope that they would actually “enlarge” it — take up some more feet of that terrace so that the office would have more “breathing space.”

In this photo, you see the office’s interior. There’s the antique fan, the view of the church, and that expensively customized L-shaped desk-cabinet. Nice memories. It would be good too if somebody posts the offices of the AUSG and other student orgs/tambayans, like that of La Raza.



Tags: Adamson+University, Adamson+Chronicle

JB has blogged 120 posts



My personal views on issues surrounding the Adamson Chronicle
December 7th, 2007 posted by stiban_graffiti under Adamson Chronicle, Opinion. [ Comments: 27 ]

[Original title, "My personal views regarding issues surrounding the Adamson Chronicle and some bedtime stories from 1998 to 2002," has been redacted to prevent it from cracking up the blog's layout - Adamsonian]

Despite my bickering, I still welcome the new generation of Chroniclers. I agree that they do deserve to show what they got and what they can offer to their publisher – the students. If I could only be there at this very moment, I would definitely have tons of stories to tell them.

But there are still unsettled issues here and I want to reiterate it again in this article before we start to move forward. If we will just neglect such issues, history itself will happen again right before our very eyes. My wrath is not for the new Chroniclers. It is for the blood-sucking imps.

I have also empathy for the new batch. If I am in their shoes, I will also defend the new TAC from attacks. They cannot defend the students if they cannot even defend themselves.

*********
To the new editorial board, maybe you would also understand my reactions and sentiments about the tragedy of the old TAC. Its closure was the biggest headline that has slapped my face. Damn! It felt like a 20-kg acme anvil fell over my skull! My beloved institution is in ruins and with just a glimpse of it really rips my heart out. If I was so radical about the plight of the students’ rights before, what more will you expect from me if I saw that the pub itself was shattered into pieces. Like you, I also have my own responsibility to TAC. As an alumnus I have to say something about its demise. I really ought to.
I don’t expect your term to do something about my sentiments because you are all still new and you were given a very important task to fulfill. Your main task is the rebuilding of the new cornerstones of ‘our’ TAC. You need all the assistance and luck to accomplish such gargantuan task of rebuilding and all of you deserve all the best wishes in the world. Running also a student pub has never been a simple task – it is a ‘life-changing’ experience.

Anyway, would you care to send me a copy of your maiden issue? I shall give you my mailing address in Jeddah if you say yes. Don’t worry; I will be in my silent mode for your first issues. But please forgive me for this very small remark. I thought you said that you will release it this December? Just a simple advice, be conscious about such delay especially if your issue is time-dependent. If your December issue contains Christmas articles, then distributing it in January or in February would be quite odd to read.

*********
The first time I learned that TAC actually had their first meeting; I felt a very big relief and gladness. That once again the same sanctuary that both nurtured and tortured us before is now here again and is currently breastfeeding the newbies, hopefully with the same black milk that gave us sleepless nights before.

But please do pardon me if I say that I don’t like the phrase “forgive and forget.” Some might say: Hey Aldrin, TAC is back on its knees again, why are you still complaining? Can you just join the party and stop being a killjoy?
Do you want to tell me to shut up and just move on and start a new beginning? Do you want to tell me to just forget the mournful funeral of the old pub and celebrate with roaring laughs and lots of hurrahs the rebirth of it while making ‘beso-beso’ with the same force which was also the main cause of its death?
I still stand firm to my belief that the closure of student publication for two years was wrong. Worse, the Admin only spared the name of the pub and everything else was changed. With all of these mutations, it is clear that there was a sinister plot for the closure of TAC. If the Admin’s real reason was to help the student pub to have a better direction, their fatal action for its closure was way too far. Why did the Admin have to change almost everything if they were only asking about the financial statement?
They should have talked with the last editorial board if they believed that there were things that needed some adjustments and changes. Instead, the Admin had showed its brute force again and fired its might and directed it to the Penthouse. They dropped the bomb and instantly made a ‘racial holocaust’ of the old TAC. After the bombing, the SV Penthouse was turned into a ground zero like Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The last editorial board was obliterated. Our old issues were disposed. The archives were probably carelessly and unofficially handled to a carpenter. And the Penthouse was left shattered into smithereens and disemboweled it from anything that would describe something about its past. Can the Admin do again such demolition job to any organization every time they want change? I say yes.

The next time I visit our old office, I shall bring a Geiger counter to check if even its radiation was also washed away by the Admin.

**********
Two years after the explosion, the Admin themselves ALONE did new landscaping works on the exact burial ground of the old pub. They planted different varieties of garden mums, orchids, and roses inside the Penthouse so the birds and the bees will be seen flying again. There are no more cockroaches left, I guess.

**********
As what I have seen in the latest videos of the SV Penthouse by Invaderzim, I really fear that the archives of the old TAC was thrown in the abyss and that the old issues were burned or were turned into papier maches – leaving the new TAC with no trace of its history. No matter how bad their history was, they should still keep it. I also fear that the new TAC would feel ‘shameful’ about the previous terms which, according to some beliefs, only did rampage instead of running a publication with decency. I hope not.
I ask the new batch of Chroniclers to please redeem those old issues and ‘memorabilias’. Those old issues were not only the remnants of our period but most of it came from our predecessors. Let us never forget that the new Chronicle has a long history of struggle for students’ rights and we should keep that history for us to learn from it.

**********
Actually, I did belong to a big portion of the ‘notorious’ era of TAC but I am not ashamed about it. In my four-year stint in the pub, I could still say that we did the things what we believed were right. I am always telling that we did our best because we actually did it. Until now, there is no reversal of principle and there will be no ‘erratum’ of what I did and wrote before. My stand before as a Chronicler has remained unchanged. I am not stubborn and I am not a close-minded man. It only happens that my convictions before was so strong that until now I still have the courage to rekindle my past with pride and dignity.
I cannot deny that we made a hell of mistakes before. I fully accept each one of it but never did I felt shame for it because we were not god and everyone makes mistakes. God knows that we were still vulnerable from internal problems. Before, I usually tell my fellow editors the difficulty of our role. I ask them why we could clearly see the mistakes of the Admin and its cahoots but we were too blind to see the shortcomings of our very small 4×4 office and the stinking foul smell of our system. That we were too brave to shout the mistakes of the Admin but we were too shy to expose our own dirt. Yes, we had our own dirt in our face. But there was a constant struggle to clean it by ourselves and perhaps it is time to give a short view of how we battled and survived our own nasty problems during our “running wildly in the dark” reign.

I just want to say something about the loose phrase “running wildly in the dark” by JB. Maybe he was referring to the last terms from 2005 and back. I cannot defend the succeeding terms after my graduation in 2002 because I was not there, but when it comes to our period, such phrase is quite unacceptable to describe what we did.
I have served four good EICs and I can still remember how each one of them performed. I saw their weaknesses and strengths. I just hope that my contemporaries will forgive me for sharing their little secrets. These are just my personal accounts and views. And the people I will be mentioning hereafter are free to correct my reviews.
Again, these are only according to my own viewpoint.

Alvin F. Julian’s Term (1998 – 1999)

I came to TAC as an artist in 1998 and not as a writer. I didn’t know how to write and I didn’t read books. I could only draw and I was surrounded by a bunch of writers who were talking incomprehensible things that I considered Aramaic for a normal student like me. I often asked myself what I was doing in that place. The office was a haven conducive only for freaks, nerds, atheists, Communists, and bookworms. I can still remember the first instance I saw SV Penthouse. At first, I didn’t know the place. The guard only told me to just follow the stairs up until a small office block my way. I submitted my bio-data and sample artworks to Mr. Joebert Lazarte. He was actually the first Chronicler who I personally met. It was also still clear to me that it was Ms. Rosemarie Villaflor who I asked for the results of the artist examination. And it was Mr. Ronnie Biando who conducted our exam. He was also the EIC prior to AFJ. The moment I learned that I got the position was hours after they had their oath taking. They just told me, “Bakit ngayon ka lang? Kanina pa ang oath taking natin. Kumain ka na ba?”

So I was baptized in the term of the ‘perfectionist’ Mr. Alvin F. Julian. I can say that his term was an easy one because everyone was cooperating and all of the new writers were so enthusiastic to lick the night with Cheese Wiz. I cannot really make a good and valid description of his term for I was the only inactive member of that term. I did not actually saw how they have shaped their term. I only attended presswork after they have given me verbal warning that they could kick me out. I knew that AFJ pampered us with food during presswork. There were no hungry nights in SV Penthouse and in the printing press. If they will say that feeding the hungry staffs were extravagant, I say no. We needed to eat and our given to us by our parents were not enough for our obligations to the pub.

AFJ’s term only produced about four issues. I know that he valued quality over quantity. We also published an issue of San Marcelino literary folio. I forgot the title of that black booklet.

Despite of his being an atheist that gave some shade to the motif of his term, an issue of TAC could still be read as an amalgamation of other writers’ points of view who had their own political and religious beliefs – not only AFJ’s criticized atheism. They say before that Chroniclers were writing atheism stuffs. Yup, it was true but not all. Our EIC is an atheist but not all of us. Some where agnostics, skeptics, devout Christians, and simple day dream believers. I myself believe in God but I don’t believe in religion.

*********

There was a deep sense of respect to everyone’s beliefs in TAC, not only in AFJ’s term. Our beautiful features editor was always writing articles for the glory of God and yet you could see her and AFJ often playing boggles. And she often leave the defeated AFJ amazed and wondering. Alvin didn’t know that she had challenged a girl with a pair of chameleon eyes.
For the record, AFJ managed to submit his term’s financial statement to the Admin after being properly audited by a certified accountant - just to clear the allegations that we only did parties and other hedonistic activities. We did not go to Boracay to do our presswork.

Ms. Ma. Celia E. Clave (1999 – 2000)

Next, it was the ‘tyrant’ Ms. Ma. Celia E. Clave’s turn. I feared the year 2000 was the end of the world and still I was wasting my remaining days in the printing press with people who had forgotten to bring extra under wears for an anticipated extended presswork.

The start of her ‘dictatorship’ made tremor to the pampered staff of AFJ. She was the only EIC who didn’t stay in TAC office during her term. She was always going to the printing press after her class instead. Her column ‘Sistema’ in the previous term made an impact to me especially when she wrote ‘5.0’ exposing her harsh comments on the grading system of Adamson. I asked her if she was really the one who wrote that ‘coz I was so moved by it. She just laughed and said to me that it was nothing. I admired her because I didn’t know that there was actually someone like her in my university who had the courage to fight the all-powerful Admin. In my high school years, there was no one like her and a radical institution like TAC.

I just hope that Ms. Clave still has the same convictions.
Atheism almost disappeared during her term and radical writing was the new game plan. She was not an atheist but a social activist.

Also in her term, I saw that TAC was reconnected to the studentry. We published what the students wanted to read.

********

The term of Celia showed me the real meaning of being a Chronicler and the true essence of the student pub. Celia was the one who forced me to transform my sketches into words. I started to write officially as a staffwriter. In Celia’s stormy term, the annoying multi-page portion of ‘Mga Expose ni Kurimao’ was conceived.

Some of my collegues showed disapproval to the continuity of publishing Kurimao for various reasons. Some said that Kurimao was a loose cannon of TAC and it abused the boundaries of press freedom. Some of my editors also answered that the students were only reading Kurimao and the other articles were just space fillers. There was even a call by the editorial board itself to restrain Kurimao.

If Kurimao’s existence was detrimental or beneficial to TAC, it is up for the tombraiders to answer it.

Anyway, that frog is already a part of TAC’s history.

Kokak! (”,)

*************
I believe that Apathy is the main reason how TFI and campus abuses are still happening because we don’t give a damn to our surroundings. We were too busy for our academics. We were to busy for our studies. We were to busy to be ‘educated’. I believe that spreading campus awareness was the primary role of TAC, by telling what were really happening beneath the air-conditioned rooms and newly-painted hallways.

Adamsonians should take role in defending their rights. AUSG and TAC cannot do it alone. That is why we have to awaken them for they alone can fully change the unstoppable system. Their unity can give sufficient blow to Admin’s follies.

TAC and AUSG can only tickle the giant’s belly but THEY can awaken the consciousness of the BIGGER GIANT - THE STUDENTRY!

Sounds idyllic?

The almost legendary AUSG president Rolando dela Cruz has proven that the students can be awaken.

*************
Miss Clave’s term produced about seven issues with two magazines and a literary folio entitled ‘Kataga’. Finally, quantity and frequency were also given importance. We did not only run wildly in the dark – we also wrote. Miss Clave, with her leadership skills, has re-awakened the pub from its serene existence. (Actually, I am not sure with the figures that I am giving but as far as I can remember, the actual number is close to what my memory bank is telling me.)

In my opinion, the term of Ms. Clave was almost ideal when it comes to her published issues. But I can also say that her term was the most gruesome when it comes to internal politics. Her strict leadership caused the pub to be divided into factions. Each faction wanted to overthrow her and I know each one of them. When I remember those wicked days, I can’t stop myself from cursing those Chroniclers who had almost caused the pub to crumble. I said to myself before that my loyalty will always be for the EIC. It was important to support the EIC because her downfall will affect the entire publication. And I strongly believed that Ms. Clave was doing the right thing. If you could only have some issues of her term, you can see the pale color of those days. We even published those internal dilemmas in some of our issues. We did not hide it because it was damn too serious.

After her term, some of those who made the failed plot disappeared and some only made a very good camouflaged. It was a very long and tiresome term but her term made a very good sharpener for our pens.

Ms. Maureen T. Tiamsic (2000 - 2001)

She is one of the best writers that I had worked with in TAC - perhaps even the best EIC when it comes to writing. Her term was able to publish about twelve regular issues even though the publication fee was permanently glued to Php 20 for so many years. The students saw the frequency of TAC. They could expect that every month we were on the gates busy distributing their copies. We did that with a very small budget. And with that, how can one say that we did nothing? Every term, we strived to give better services to the students than before.

But tragedy came knocking on the same door again. The same problem of Ms. Clave when it comes to the factions that divided her term brought aftershocks to the term of Ms. Tiamsic. Some editors did not support her for they themselves expected that they would be the next EIC after Ms. Clave. There was no cooperation in the editorial board but Ms. Tiamsic still managed to survive her term with appreciable results. I still pity her term for we had already all the good writers and editors that we needed but because of their personal ambitions, their skills were not used by the publication.
One of the most remarkable things in TAC’s history that I only saw in Ms. Tiamsic’s term was the ‘unification of beliefs’ and the ‘blood compact’ of the two main vanguards of students’ rights: The Adamson Chronicle and the Student Government led by Ms. Melona R. Daclan. During Maui’s term, there was actually a ‘tag team’ made to combat campus repression. I give Maui five golden stars for that accomplishment. AUSG and TAC should really work together and help one another because they share the same noble goals.

**********

I can still recall the night when I asked Maui to teach me something about subject-verb agreement because I was an idiot when it comes to writing in English. How I wish that there is really a time machine so that I can go back to those days. She was also my classmate in Differential Calculus and our professor was the android Mr. Saavedra but we were still not Chroniclers then. I usually saw her smoking cigarette before the start of our class in ST building.

Her term also finished publishing the literary folio entitled ‘Bungang-Araw sa Tag-Ulan.’
Mr. Sylvere C. Borromeo (2001 – 2002)

This man has no stain of blood in his soul. He was the type of EIC who was open-minded for views and suggestions of his staff. He didn’t make decisions without asking his editorial board. If there were problems, he would immediately call for an editorial board meeting. He valued teamwork and had no ambition to be the ruler of the world. He only wanted to conquer dream world. I feel that I am giving to many praises to this man but he truly deserves every word of it. He wrote articles so easily that it was unbelievable for me to see him actually do it with the keyboard.

If AFJ is an atheist, Clave is a social activist, and Tiamsic ‘was’ a ‘leftist’; Mr. Borromeo was a very neutral guy when it comes to his writings. He usually wrote articles about computers and anything that you can expect from a commercial Sunday magazine. He didn’t dictate his staff to write what he believed in. The pub’s motif was neither black nor red, but technicolor. During staff meetings, we asked the editors and writers for their ideas for what the next issue would contain. Democracy was the golden house rule then.

When it comes to the number of released issues, we surpassed the record of Ms. Tiamsic by about two issues. His term also showed warm cooperation among the editorial board, the staff writers, and the graphics department - that the term of Ms. Tiamsic was forsaken of. He had no problems with his staff mainly because almost all of my fellow senior jerks disappeared already after the term of Ms. Tiamsic. So his term was literally composed of obedient and peace-loving creatures. We also published our own 100-page San Marcelino literary folio entitled ‘Tabula Rasa…’
But I can say that the ‘democratic approach’ of Mr. Borromeo’s leadership was only seen successful because most of his staff members were new and obedient. But if I will switch Mr. Borromeo to the term of Ms. Clave’s and Ms. Tiamsic’s very hostile environment – I am quite sure that he would commit suicide because he would soon be swallowed alive if he did not. His mellow style would be of no match to the pangs of stubborn editors before that bit the neck of my former EICs. Hence, I can say that there was a good ounce of stardust and luck sprinkled over his term that contributed to its success.

Our major problem came only from one of our senior editors for he was unable to perform his job of furnishing us our own financial statement. It took me a number of memos to squeeze him to give us a financial report. Even after my graduation I was still haunting him for it. I thanked God that after my last year in TAC and after I stepped down to kiss the ground under, that guy was demoted to a lower position because of his undesirable performance.

********

Excluding the guitar he broke, there was only one shortcoming of Mr. Borromeo and it was the prevented delay of the editorial board exam. I knew that he didn’t intend it to be late for few months but I still warned him that such delay would cause a very big disaster to The Adamson Chronicle. We had the obligation to turn over the pub to the next term on the first month of the incoming school year. If we overstayed until July, we would have definitely made a very grave offense not only to TAC but also to the next term. The next term needs the complete school year to fully perform their role and it is very unforgivable if their oath taking will be delayed for months whatever the causes might be.

*******
Regarding the last Editorial Board of Ms. Joanna Paula Belgica…

To Ms. Belgica, just feel free to correct the following paragraphs if there are some details here which you believe are wrong. I don’t know exactly what had happened because I was in Riyadh then.

I have learned that the same delay in the editorial board exam by Mr. Borromeo was one of the mistakes of the term of Mr. Jeffrey Hanapon. Just few months after, the last breed of Chroniclers were sent to firing squad by the friars. I believe that the ‘big’ delay caused by the term of Mr. Hanapon gave the incoming editorial board of Ms. Belgica with a very little time to group itself. Mr. Hanapon failed to give the results of the editorial board exam and left TAC waiting aimlessly for nothing. He didn’t come back. So, Ms. Belgica who was the associate editor at that time, decided to hold a new editorial board exam. It is stated in TAC’s editorial board policy that in the absence of the EIC, the AE shall take the position of leading the paper. I believe that the oath taking of Ms. Belgica’s term was held in September – roughly four months late. And TAC I believed was closed in November of the same year. With such weak moments, the Admin grabbed it as a golden opportunity to execute their long overdue nasty plan of finally conquering the almighty Chronicle. The Admin assaulted the three-month-old (I don’t know how long exactly) editorial board with a blitzkrieg of crimes-against-humanity-like cases. They were asked to stand trial for the violations of the previous terms. What’s that?! Third-Degree of Holy Sh*T!!!

I believe that the last ed board also did their best but unfortunately, they hit the jackpot. Honestly, almost all the other previous terms had their weak moments also. Even weaker. We were only fortunate enough back then because we had learned to make use of our own special mutant abilities. Alvin was a goddess, Celia was a Medusa, Maui was a dinosaur, and Sylvere was simply blessed by God.
The only difference was that the last ed board led by Ms. Belgica was given so little time to do something about the Admin’s attack. Even if she wanted to change their fate she can do nothing because however she wanted to make it happen, a complex institution like TAC was so hard to be moved. The EIC herself cannot do magic alone. Everyone must cooperate especially the entire editorial board.

Again, I honestly don’t know the details of their struggles.

*******
I believed that TAC was also temporarily closed during JB’s term. Maybe he could tell something about that because I feel that the Admin is really the culprit.

*******
Anyway, we still managed to peacefully handle over TAC to Mr. Michael Gallego’s term with an almost clean sheet and no more strings attached to some pesky third parties sent from hell. I was not sure if it was June or July that they held their oath taking. Anyway, that’s all what I can share. I cannot say something about the existence of the succeeding terms. After my graduation in 2002, I just remained a spectator of the succeeding terms of TAC for I was busy and was starting to orient myself to the bigger world of corporate slavery.

*******
May I clarify to you that I am not boasting when I enumerated all of our accomplishments. I am just giving statistics to prove that TAC actually was able to distribute issues frequently and that every term aspired to serve the students better no matter how big the problems we were experiencing back then and how trivial our funds we were receiving. Also, we didn’t release issues as if we were on a car race or that we just wanted to outdo the previous term. It is a very bad motivator. We only wanted to make the publication serve the students better. If we could make this thing good today then after a year, we can make it better. I assume that it is not a sin to dream to be better and serve better.
Now after laying our green turf, I am proud to tell you again that we did our very best despite the big barricades that blocked our way. We had problems but we managed to solve it. With our records, I can say that I have the authority to say things about the illegal closure of TAC in 2005 and some serious issues concerning the new TAC. I was not born yesterday and I am not an ignorant bystander from a very far, far, far away galaxy aimlessly throwing baseless comments to issues that I don’t know.

*******
I have my own solutions on how to make TAC perform better based on what I have experienced before. I agree that there should be an overseer for TAC because as what I also experienced, every term was a new start for TAC. We always start to zero every year. There was no sense of continuity and long range plan for TAC because every year there would be a new line up of players eager to make their own style and etch their own performance. That is why we made the former EIC to be a part of the next editorial board to serve as an editorial consultant or as an ‘adviser’. We had our own ‘adviser’ before but we picked it from our ranks who has more experience compared to what Admin has placed to the new TAC. If I will choose between our editorial consultant to that of Admin’s appointed adviser, I will choose an editorial consultant. What experience does an adviser have that would benefit the new TAC? She is just a faculty of Adamson. Does she know how to make a newspaper and how to manage a student publication like a former editor-in-chief? I think not. She is just also a newbie like the new generation of TAC when it comes to managing a student publication. A former editor-in-chief knows how to bleed blood during presswork and he knows what to do in order to make the new term perform better. Based on what he had experienced as a writer and as a student before, he can guide the new TAC to avoid certain academic problems like failing grades and absences. A former editor-in-chief still has the soul of a student. He knows what his fellow students need. I could name EICs like Ronnie Biando, Joebert Lazarte, and Alvin Julian.

An adviser can be picked by the Admin from any faculty member of Adamson. She still has her own problem and teaching responsibility. How can she help the student pub? Will she teach the newbies how to sing harmonically? I believe an adviser is just a surveillance cam of the Admin to monitor the student publication’s activities – as what we had believed before. I still want to see TAC to be managed by the students only. But to really achieve our own goal of continuous development, I suggest that the editorial board should ask a former EIC to be its editorial consultant. Before I suggested that the editorial board to have a ‘council of elders’ to guide the new writers. But with a very small fund, we cannot lure any alumni to take the position for he will surely be busy for his family’s daily needs. Maybe some might accept the job but it is better to temporarily keep that idea in a freezer until we were able to increase the student publication fee from Php 20 to a more senseless amount. So that we could able to give the chosen editorial consultant at least some transportation allowance to go from his office all the way up to SV Penthouse. I don’t want to sound materialistic, but there are only very few Good Samaritans remaining in this world. We cannot ride LRT for free.

I know that the publication doesn’t need an adviser. But for the helpless status of the new TAC today, they do need some guidance and assistance for their first years of re-existence. For now, I have no choice but to accept an adviser. It is because two years after the TAC holocaust, the new TAC is no different to an orphaned chick recently hatched from an egg without anymore parents to take care for it. Instead, the wretched white hunter who shot their parent dead was the one who adopted them. Irony.

*****
I don’t have any personal vendetta against Ms. Arlene Paredes. I really don’t personally know her. It only happened to be that she was the first one who sat on the hot seat of the adviser position. We in the pub were against of having an adviser before. Almost all my former EICs, fellow editors, and my ancestors have fought for the ‘no-adviser’ status of the student publication for decades. So it is not only me and it is not only now that I am singing this old chant.

But as a young professor like Ms. Paredes, I have deep respect for her. And now that she is the adviser of the new TAC and knowing that I can do nothing about that, I just hope that she will do her very best. And I know that she can ask assistance from some of her Chronicler friends. May the force be with her.

I will just ask JB, what if it is not Ms. Paredes? What if the Admin chose someone you know who is IMMATURE and a DICTATOR? I am quite sure that you know that there are such wretched people existing in Adamson. What then would you say if an IMMATURE ADVISER is placed to ‘guide’ the new TAC? Will you still say yes for an adviser? Surely, the ‘benevolent’ Ms. Paredes will not be there forever.

******
One of the things that I cherish most about TAC is the unfading loyalty of its alumni. Unlike AUSG and RSOs. When any of our members have left the pub, there will always be a string that the pub itself will tie around their hearts. I only saw that phenomenon in TAC. When I was still in the pub, I was always seeing our former editors frequently visiting and assisting the present term. I saw them helping the new editors in editing articles and giving advices to some issues. Before, because of them, we felt that we had our own ‘advisers.’ In the time of Mr. Alvin Julian, I saw Mr. Joebert Lazarte in our presswork. In the time of Ms. Ma. Celia Clave, I saw Mr. Ronnie Biando. In the time of Ms. Maureen Tiamsic, I saw again Mr. Alvin Julian. In the time of Mr. Sylvere Borromeo, there was Ms. Tiamsic and the complete support of the staff.

So I really say NO to an Admin-sent adviser because TAC has already produced a dozen of its own well-experienced EICs. All we have to do is just to dig for their graves.

*********
The other issue is the publication fund. It has to be increased. Php 20 will bring you nowhere. I hate annual tuition and miscellaneous fee increases but look at me now I am asking for an increase in our fund. That amount has been the same amount for eons. It was unchanged. And the Admin was so selfish to give our own little increase. They were asking too much from us. I believed that even if we beg for mercy, kneel on rock salts, do somersaults, and sell our souls – they would not approve our petition. But when it comes to their TFI, all praises to the Almighty Lord and all the singing angels in the heaven above for the bread and butter that He keeps on providing them. Amen! Hallelujah!
I know that the university has to make increases because all the prices are also increasing. But why it has to be done every year and why it has to be between 10 to 12 percent always? Can they reduce it to only 6%? And why they cannot make it as big as 25%? If they can resist the temptation of having a succulent 25% TFI, then they can also resist the temptation of maintaining their quota of annual 12% TFI and make it lower to 6%. A student doesn’t need air-conditioned rooms to study better. The sad reality about these lavish renovations is that it is only the rich Adamsonians who can afford its corresponding TFI. A ‘labandera’ mother of a poor Adamsonian now has to be an ‘all around katulong’ to earn bigger money to sustain the ever-ballooning tuition of his son. Before, she was only serving one ‘amo’, now she has to look for another ‘amo’ or start to be a ‘jueteng kubrador’.

Have we seen the effects of TFIs to poor students and to their parents? Why are we only focusing our senses to the new paintworks and all-year round campus beautifications? We don’t need all of these ‘enchanting lotus plants’. We don’t need too much ACs. We don’t need the four-thumbs-up accreditation of PAASCU. We don’t need state-of-the-arts telebots to solve our security problems. We don’t need plasma TVs. We don’t need excessive landscape beautifications. We don’t need to see that the Estero de Balete can actually sustain live tilapia fishes. We don’t even need to see our own reflections from that creek while there are dehydrated live ducks swimming around. And we don’t need additional expenses to things which are unessential.

Adamson University is a learning institution and not a theme park!

A student needs quality education and he needs to finish his studies without giving additional burden to his parents every enrollment. That’s all he need and I guess that the Admin can actually decrease the TFI to at least 9% or 7.5%. At least with a small decrease in lavishness of Adamson there would be a corresponding decrease in TFI and eventually a ‘labandera’ mother can finally have a rest in her house with a certain degree of assurance that even if she has a rest day she can still expect that her son can finish his education.

********
I just want to reiterate the real role of TAC and that is not be a cute student publication like the rest but to show the students the real deal and to wake them up and tell them that they are also leaving in a programmed Matrix-like realm. That they think that they are awake, but actually they are still in deep slumber.

********
To Josh, I know that TFI is NORMAL. But it doesn’t mean that anything that is NORMAL is RIGHT. Having a mistress is already a NORMAL thing to a Pinoy, but can we consider this normal right? Broken families, failed marriages, early pregnancies, kidnappings, graft and corruption – these are all NORMAL things to our society nowadays. But can we consider them right? As a new editor, you must see the real thing and not only the scoreboard.

********
And finally, I still stand to NO TO TFI! TFI is not that impossible to stop. Our idyllic struggle when we were still in TAC is still possible to be achieved. If our Vincentian priests would only see what a normal student truly needs, then they can reduce their over-the-top spending. And if only our venerable Saint Vincent de Paul is alive today, I would definitely ask his view about TFI. But unfortunately, old Enteng is now just a big pile of colored and hardened concrete mixture; he can do nothing but to be a solid perch for birds.

Now I finally remember why his statue is facing TUP.



Tags: Adamson+University, Adamson+Chronicle

stiban_graffiti has blogged 9 posts



Ang pakikipagtalik sa kalungkutan
December 6th, 2007 posted by paniking_gutom under Literary. [ Comments: none ]

“Sinong nagliligtas sa mga superhero kapag nangangailangan sila ng tulong?”

Tumingin ako sa kaniyang mga mata at sinabing.
“Si Godot.”
Tiningnan niya rin akong pabalik.
“Hindi ba si God?”
“Hindi naman nageexist si God e. Kaya si Godot ang safe na answer.”
“Saan ko siya matatagpuan?”
Tumayo siya na para bang nagmamadali at excited na makita si Godot.
“Si Godot ay matatagpuan sa puno ng Bu.”
“Nasaan ba iyon? Tumayo ka na diyan, samahan mo ako!!!”
“Ang puno ng Bu ay nakatanim sa puso ko.”
Sabay tawa ko ng malakas. Subalit hindi niya ininda to, sa halip ay hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at pinilit akong tumayo.
“Puwede bang sa akin na lang ang puso mo? Wala naman nagmamay-ari niyan eh.”
“Meron no. Ang puno ng Bu ay nakatanim sa puso ninuman.”
Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking kamay at tinulak siya ng bahagya sabay tumalikod.
“Wala akong puso. Pahiramin mo na lang ako kung ayaw mong ibigay sa akin.”
Muli akong humarap sa kaniya.
“Pumunta ka ng Heart Center o kaya manghiram ka sa pusa.”
“Ayoko ng literal na puso. O sige, ihanap mo na lang ako.”
“Hindi hinahanap yun. Kusang dumarating.”
“Sawa na akong maghintay. Maghintay sa wala.”
“Bakit hindi ka bumalik sa pinanggalingan mo? There’s no place like home.”
Siya naman ang tumawa ng malakas.
“Lahat kayo ay ganiyan ang payo sa akin. Sa palagay mo ba ay may mukha pa akong
ihaharap sa kaniya matapos ang lahat ng nangyari sa amin? Matagal ko nang gustong
bumalik kaso natatakot ako na baka muli akong umalis at muli ko lang siyang masaktan.”
“Ganun talaga. Ikaw ang kusang umalis kaya wala kang karapatang bumalik. The rules of love is often childish.”
Muli akong tumalikod at tuluyang umalis. Paglingon ko ay muli ko siyang nakitang nakaupo. Hindi na ako bumalik.
________
Ang istoryang ito ay nagsimulang mabuo dahil sa konbersasyon ko kay tikgirl sa pamamagitan ng text. Halos 90% ng laman ng kuwento ay palitan namin ng mensahe sa isa’t-isa. Muli, maraming salamat sa panahon. Wala rin akong maisip na title kaya yung pabotritong linya ni tata buto ginamit ko.


Tags: Adamson+University, Adamsonian

paniking_gutom has blogged 5 posts



What’s inside Sophie’s mind
December 5th, 2007 posted by paniking_gutom under Literary. [ Comments: 1 ]


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“Can somebody turn on the light?”

Then the light turned on. She saw herself sitting in a corner facing a six foot tall mirror.
“Hello. Is anyone here?”
She looked around. The room is painted in black with red graffiti on its four walls. No doors, no windows. The only thing that she can see is the mirror in front of her.
“Where am I?”
She said to her image in the mirror as if she is talking to somebody.
“You’re in an empty room, my darling.”
A voice suddenly came out of nowhere.
“Who are you? Where are you?”
She asked.
“Who do you think am I?”
“God?”
“God? Haha!”
“Why?”
“Why did you think that I am God? You don’t believe in God. Do you?”
“I don’t. But in times like this, when you cannot see anything but yourself in an empty room, the only being that you can think talking to you is God. Unless we’re in a reality TV show.”
“Says who?”
“The Bible. I used to read it when I was young.”
“You said that the Bible is only a fiction. So you believe in fiction?”
“Can you just stop interrogating me? I don’t have time to answer all your questions. Can you just tell me who are you?”
“What if I tell you that I am a lizard?”
“Nonsense. Lizards can’t talk.”
“That’s what you believed.”
“That’s a fact.”
“What is fact?”
“Can we just stop this nonsense?”
“That’s the problem with you my darling. You always ask questions but when you are being asked it is nonsense. If you’re question has been answered it’s still nonsense.”
“You’re not taking me seriously.”
“I am serious. I am a Lizard.”
“Ok. First, let me just reiterate that there is no talking lizard in the history. Second, the room is empty. All I can see is a mirror. And lastly, I will not talk anymore because I believe that this is only a dream or a nightmare so it’s either I will wake up or won’t wake up anymore.”
“Ok. First, what history books have you read? As far as I know, the death of Fidel Castro is not in Philippine history. Second, Have you tried to check the back of the mirror before you conclude that the room is empty? Since we started this conversation, you haven’t move there. And last, let me also inform you that it is not a dream. I assure you.”
She tried to stand up. Her whole body suddenly is shaking. She’s afraid of Lizard. What more of a talking one?
She move closer to the mirror and looked at the back of it and there it is. It is really a Lizard.
“You’re really a Lizard. Just don’t get out there unless I say so. I’ll go back at the corner and sit there.”
Then she went back at the corner.
“Now, can you tell me why we are here?”
“Wait my darling. Men are the most intelligent animal in the planet? Why ask a lizard?”
“As far as I know, there is no talking lizard.”
“Hahaha. Now you’re getting it. See, life is easy. Don’t make it complicated. There are only two options. It’s either you go with the flow or againts it.”
“What’s your point?”
“The point is, we both chose to go against the flow. That’s why we’re here.”
“So you’re telling me that the reason why we are here is because we are different from our species?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Try to look at the mirror again. What can you see?”
“I can see myself in a white blouse and a skinny jeans.
“Now you figure it out. Except that you’re not really a human being. You’re a cockroach.”
____________
This is my very first time to write an English article in my whole life. So any grammar lapses, I apologize. (Just kindly inform me). The story might be weird but it only tells us one thing. Just figure it out. I don’t want to spoil it!



Tags: Adamson+University, Adamsonian

paniking_gutom has blogged 5 posts



A thimble of thought
December 4th, 2007 posted by tikgirl under Love Stories, Uncategorized. [ Comments: 2 ]

She was there, smoking her cigarette and sipping her occasional coffee. She was writing something on a piece of paper bag and was stashing it furiously into her pocket. With eyes closed she hums the resonating thumps of her eardrums.She once tried to kill herself (in vain) with an overdose of fairytale valiums, the same one which the Evil Queen used to kill Snow White(in vain), The cure? A kiss. Snow White had her fill of kiss(es) with Prince Charming. She got her fill with an ugly, warthy toad. After the horrendous disaster, and possibly because of the failed suicide attempt, she had her hair cut short, with long weird bangs like Natalie Portman on Closer. She smeared red lipstick on her lips and black kohl around her eyes. her ever present eye bags shouted in the parallelism of red and black. She looked like an old, hungry vulture.

Time passed (per se). She still cuts her bangs in the Natalie Portman way, still wears her ugly red lipstick and black kohl. She had a boyfriend by then. Only that, she makes the relationship look happy but in reality, in her own REALITY, it’s not. Her world is full of pretensions, hiding bitter tears in the black kohl and biting back sobs with her red lipstick. Her humor soured, her caffeine intake rose into a half gallon a day and her fuel, nicotine, bolstered up, up, up. Her mood is, how can i describe it effectively? Watching her mood swings is like watching BBC stock and Forex News. Up, up, up. Down, down, down.

She was even once caught by her boyfriend stealing his office supplies. His assorted pens (from those cheap Pandas to the retractable to the silver-plated Parker), inks, pencils, scotch tapes, markers and a stapler and a white board eraser. It was weird kleptomania, as he said. But she was having all the fun out of the crappy one-sided affair (that is, she rules both halves). She gets a kick of having what she calls “sweet revenge” (for she accuses him of taking her individuality away) by stealing his office supplies.

At the time when they were about to have some fooling around, she made him whip her with a tail of a sting ray while she was blind folded. It stung her like hell; and she got so aroused by it that she took possession of him right there, she on top, straddling him, slapping his face and screaming another girl’s name. “Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Oh, Ah, Elizabeth, damn you!” she keeps on screaming. Screaming and slapping, then breaking into a fit of tears, then wailing until she and he came. After the whole deed, she just sneered at him rather sadistically, her eyes burning with malice.

Her boyfriend, a seemingly dull looking man in his early twenties, was once a renowned “rake” during his “teenage” years. A girlfriend here and a girlfriend there. A fling here and a fling there. He even got three different girls pregnant, as if he doesn’t really give a damn. (Un)Luckily, all of the pregnant girls either ‘miscarried’ (one girl eventually slipped on a bathroom floor in an anonymous resort) or have the embryo aborted (that girl haven’t even had her uterus scraped). And when his mother died, he lost everything in succeeding order. his security, his financial stability, his long-term girlfriend(although that one was done by his “rake” existence in the world. she quoted it as a karma for him; he loved the girl so much). Seemingly, without hatred in his heart, he fell in love with HER. On a heated summer night, when they first fornicated, he even had the illusion that he had taken her virginity. Which was a Big Laugh for her; she KNEW she was not a virgin by then, and WHO, for God’s sake, taken her away.

She was always making him feel inferior, so he got a job. but, such a miserable karma for him, he is still inferior to her. Such agony pesters HER so much that she even wants to end everything up. She is supposed to do it right now, inside this very cafe, at this very minute. then he walks insides, looks lost. She reapplies her ugly, red lipstick and waves at him.

“Now what? I have an appointment with my dentist,” she just cracked his teeth while planting a really weird, ceremonial kiss on him just yesterday. His lip was still swollen, and his eyes were bloodshot.

“Want some coffee?”

Oh, she looks so serene, the man-eating deranged girl. They were talking animatedly by now, even laughing out loud and she grabbing a teaspoon and jabbing it through the air. Her boyfriend looks so happy and contented; he even looked at his watch and frowned, stood up, gave the girl a peck on the lips and left a bill on the table. He walked smiling, outside the cafe.

As soon as he was out of sight, she took the piece of paper bag and threw it furiously at her coffee. She looked, dazedly, into the tiny dry fountain outside near a lamp post outside the cafe, thinking of another Big Laugh and then scribbling another line (or two) on the bill left by him.



Tags: ,

tikgirl has blogged 13 posts



Walang katapusang digma
December 3rd, 2007 posted by paniking_gutom under Uncategorized. [ Comments: none ]


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Pasado alas-12 na ng tanghali ng matapos akong maligo. MEdyo inaantok pa ako sapagjat kakagaling ko lang sa trabaho kinagabihan. Subalit ang aking antok ay tinalo ng mabilis na pagtibok ng aking puso. Medyo kinakabahan at excited ako sapagkat ngayong araw na ito’y muli kong babalikan ang lugar na matagal ko nang hindi napupuntahan.
     Alas 2:30 ng hapon nang makarating ako sa liwasang Bonifacio sa maynila. Ang dating tahimik na lugar ay binuhay ng mga sigaw ng taong naroon. Ang mga palkard at streamer ang nagbigay payong laban sa mataas na sikat ng araw., at ang rebulto ni Bonifacio ang naging saksi sa mga pangyayaring ito. Estudiyante, manggagawa, magsasaka at iba pang sektor ng lipunan ang muling nagsama-sama at nagkaisa. Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas, nagsimula ng manawagan ang isa sa mga speaker ng programa upang magmartsa patungong Mendiola.
     Alam ng lahat na imposibleng muling makaabot ng mendiola sa higpit ng seguridad na inilatag ng Malakanyang subalit ang pagiging imposible nito ang nagbigay apoy sa mga puso ng mamamayan na naroon noong mga oras na iyon. Pagdating sa tulay papuntang Quiapo, bumilis ang martsa. Ata ng kaninang lakad ay naging takbo. Nagtaasan ang karamihan ng kanilang mga kamao at sabay-sabay na nagsigawan. Mahigit isang taon na akong hindi nakakasama sa rally pero sa totoo lang, hindi ako napagod sa pagtakbo at pagsigaw (medyo sumakit lang yung katawan ko pagkatapos ng rally). Hindi rin pumasok sa isip ko na umuwi na lang at matulog kahit na alam kong may pasok pa ako sa trabaho (medyo nakatulog lang ako ng huminto na kami sa ilalim ng lrt station).
     Abot kamay na namin ang mendiola ng kami ay napatigil dahil naharang na ang grupo. At katulad ng dati, pinilit naming makipagnegosasyon para maabot ito. Subalit  patuloy na nakipagmatigasan ang mga pulis, hindi nila kami pinatuloy kung kaya’t ipinagpatuloy na lang namin ang programa at protesta sa gitna ng kalsada patungong Mendiola.
     Hindi man namin naabot ang Mendiola, subalit umuwi kaming puno ng pag-asa, na balng araw ay muli namin itong mararating katulad ng pag-asang lalaya rin ang bayan natin.
_______
     Araw-araw ay puno ng digmaan ang ating mundong ginagalawan. Maging ito man ay pangkalahatan o personal. Totoong may mga bagay na mahirap o imposibleng baguhin, pero naitanong na ba natin sa ating mga sarili, “Sinubukan ko na bang baguhin ang ang mga bagay na alam kong imposibleng makamtan? Ilang beses na ba akong nabigo? Sinubukan ko na bang muli itong baguhin?”
     Tandaan natin, ang imposible’y salita lamang. Ikaw, ako, tayo ay hindi.



paniking_gutom has blogged 5 posts


 


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